u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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