You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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