found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You pole danced in your parka.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
