Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
