I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
