Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
