He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
