well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
