Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize