what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
