every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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