Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize