So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
