laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
