yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
