I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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