dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
