i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize