On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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