***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I see more hoeing in ur future
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