I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
