I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
