it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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