i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So much rum. So many feels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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