you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
