I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
