Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
