You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize