if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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