Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
