Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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