Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
