Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
