Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
