Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
