but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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