I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
