my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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