Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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