I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
