i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
