He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
