a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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