the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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