Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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