I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
