he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
