I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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