apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
