Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
