D3 body, D1 cock
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
