i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
