the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
