shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need moral support for this bender
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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