She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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