I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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