Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
