The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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