ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
