you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
