handjob tips. give me some.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
