He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
