why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
