So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
