I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
