To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
