She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
