cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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