How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
