I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
