im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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