dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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