she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
