He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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