Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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