shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
