Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
