it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
