guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
